Living Abroad: A Few Things I've Sort of Effed Up (Part I)

In my three and a half months in Italy, I've accomplished some fairly impressive things which I can say I'm quite proud of. But I've also made some really, really idiotic mistakes, and let's be honest, those make for a more interesting read. From simple cultural differences to some kind of serious snafus, here are a few of my biggest mistakes. Take notes - you might not want to repeat these.

1. When I boarded a regional train without validating my ticket

Taking the train in Italy is super easy, and Milan Central station connects to pretty much anywhere you'd want to go. Just arrive at least 30 minutes before your scheduled departure, buy your ticket from a self-serve kiosk to avoid long lines, and you're good to go. Oh, and if you're taking a regional train, make sure to get a time stamp on your ticket before you board. Otherwise, you risk a 50 Euro fine from an angry conductor when he comes around to check tickets. He might glare at you like you're an idiot, and he might yell at you in rapid Italian. This might happen before your language skills are good enough to fully comprehend. A kind passenger might offer to translate for you, but then again, they might not. Maybe you'll just mumble something like "Mi dispiace, sono turista, non ho saputo," (I'm sorry, I'm a tourist, I didn't know). Maybe, if you're lucky, the angry conductor will let you off with a warning. Maybe. Then again, you're reading this, so of course you'll avoid such a silly mistake! And honestly, who would be naive enough to not time stamp their regional train ticket? Psht. Novice error.

Image via www.bbc.com

2. When I tried to enter the Duomo wearing shorts and a tank top

Honestly, I should have known better. Jesus doesn't like knees and shoulders make God uncomfortable. Yet in my second week in Milan, I waltzed right up to the massive Duomo door wearing my notorious hot pink J. Crew shorts and a tank top. The guard took one look at me and shook his head. It wasn't until I noticed a well illustrated sign depicting proper cathedral attire that I realized I was pretty much on par with a prostitute, at least for Catholic church standards. Save yourself a little embarrassment and a lot of time by arriving in the right clothes. 

3. When I locked myself out of the apartment

Now this was a fiasco. I spent an entire night in the very cold, very hard-floored foyer of my apartment because I was locked out. To top it off, I inadvertently attended a Latin mass at Santa Maria delle Grazie the following morning. It's too painful to recap... just read this post.

4. When I got too snap-happy in a Bergamo museum

Let this be a eulogy to a blog post that never was, because the heart of it - a few dozen fabulous pictures of amazing medieval and Renaissance art - was torn from me and unceremoniously deleted as I stood by and cried. Yes, I knew photos weren't allowed. Yes, the gallery was rather small and the guard was clearly on alert for suspicious camera behavior. Yes, I managed to capture a pre-Renaissance Botticelli anyway. I really thought I was clever, and I was already writing an introduction and some captions in my head when the guard actually grabbed my camera out of my hands and started deleting photos - somehow, she really knew her way around an Olympus EPL-5. Moral of the story: as painful as it is to abide, don't try to sneak photos. Having your precious camera ripped from your hands hurts far more. (She didn't catch my iPhone though, and this Lorenzo Monaco escaped with its life.)

5. When I packed way too much and all the wrong things

You know that saying, "pack light?" It's really sage advice. I thought I did pretty well - I got everything I wanted for 8+ months into two medium sized suitcases. Turns out, I have far more than I need. Neglected Sperrys and sundresses have since been repacked. The three new toothbrushes I brought remain untouched (did I think toothbrushes hadn't yet made an appearance on the Italian dental hygiene scene yet?) Sweaters and shirts have been replaced by far more attractive things I've purchased here in Italy's fashion capital. And then there are the things I didn't bring: comfy hooded sweatshirts, winter pajamas, and enough socks, just to name a few. However, having too many things here with me combined with separation from the rest of my material possessions has made me realize that in the big scheme of things, none of them are necessary. So I guess it's taught me a somewhat humbling life lesson. Not saying I won't be ridiculously happy to sleep in a queen-sized bed with five pillows and an enormous comforter again, though.